Refusing to Creep with a Married Man

I used to always believe that I wanted one day to be married but the more and more I think about it I'm so glad I am a Ms. and not a Mrs.  I know having a husband around could lighten my load and ease some of the financial burden that I am sure to face as a single parent, but with all the potential cheating out there, why bother.  Every time I think of marriage and the heartache I had to face with my son's father, I count my blessings and I thank God for not putting any more on me that I could bear.  Very recently, I received an inbox message on Facebook from an old schoolmate, asking me "where was I now located."  I thought this was very strange, for more than one reason.  First, it had been over twenty years since we had graduated from high school.  I was never that friendly with him, but its social media so you tend to accept people that you grew up with or went to school with at some point in life.  What was also so strange about this message, it was an inbox, so no one saw the message but me and it seemed to come out the blue.  We had had no prior conversations, private or public, so for him to ask me where I am located at now, yes was indeed strange.  Every time I looked up I was getting different inbox messages from him.  Each message was getting stranger and stranger and I didn't know at first at least I didn't want to believe that this guy was trying to come on to me.  I admit, since I broke up with my son's father some years ago, dating had been the last thing on my mind.  His inbox messages were messages that were asking for up-to-date pictures of myself  and messages that wanted to know where I was residing.  I was flabbergasted because we had graduated 24 years ago, and we had a ten year high school reunion and I really don't remember if he was in attendance.  I can honestly say I was talking out loud to myself that day.  "Where is this coming from? Who is he talking to?"  Clearly, I thought he couldn't be talking to me I haven't seen him in years.  As the day went on the messages kept coming, and they seemed to be a little too personal.

Favorite Authors

Reading has been a favorite hobby of mine for as long as I can remember. Nothing in the world can compare to reading a damn good book.  At least for me, nothing compares. I remember being in grade school and getting my own library card, all just to check out and read a new book. I had developed a love for reading and I even had my own library of books after the librarian convinced me to join RIF (Reading is Fundamental), program that allowed you to be rewarded with a new book every week.  My mother never had to fight with me to read,  and she never had to  wander where I was.  I was either in the library or in my room somewhere reading a book.  Reading was then and still is my very favorite thing to do. I also remember that although I loved Judy Blume (Are You there God, It's Me Margaret, and  Wifey and Beverly Clearly (Ramona Series), I yearned for the day there would be African-American authors that would tell my story or at least stories that I could relate to.    Don't get me wrong, as a child,  Judy Blume and Beverly Clearly were the truth for me. I had no real experiences other than being raised by a single parent, and living in the ghetto,   I just wanted to read a book by an African American writer and see where the author would take me.   I knew then that  I wanted to have a career that involved some sort of story telling.  Either it would be a anchorwoman or some sort of writer. As the years have passed by, I have started writing a manuscript that is still not complete, but I have come across some amazing writers that every time I pick up one of their books, I am simply amazed.  I think I am more happy as an adult to read books than when I was a child and it simply because there are way more African-American authors now that I could have ever conjured up in my mind.  The first African-American writer I read was Terry McMillian's Waiting to Exhale and I remember having to go and find her other books, Mama and Disappearing Acts. I remember thinking boy my people have arrived.  It seemed to me at one time in my earlier years that African-Americans were denied or were not good enough to be in a creative field or there was some kind of belief that we didn't read. After reading Terry McMillian I remember even reading some of E Lynn Harris' books like Just As I am and Invisible Life.  I remember reading a bio or something on E Lynn  Harris where he was saying that someone was critiquing his work and to bring Basil to life , he E Lynn Harris had to become that character, if I am not mistaken. When reading I often wonder how many authors have used this advice.  Somewhere down the line I got hooked on what I like to say, the hood drama soapbox. I can't remember who was the first hood book I read, but they haven't disappointed me yet.   I even have a co-worker  that swore she only read Stephen King like books begging to bring her my hood drama books when I finish reading them.  I don't know who I like the most, but I can never pass up a book by Nisa Santiago, my BFF in my head, or Brandie Williams, Ashley and JaQuavis, or even Kim K.  I mean there are so many, I think they all do a fantastic job in bringing their stories to life.  I can identify with them and not because I lived the kind of lives they write about, but I grew up in the environment and I still live in the environment that they are writing about and I see this is not only something that they made up.  No, I know they are not any of their biographies but the hit the nail right on the head and its that much believable.  I have so many of the street drama books, I can open my own library.  As I continue to work on my own work, I just want to say thank you for paving the way to some of my favorite authors: Terry McMillan, Rosalyn McMillan, Nisa Santiago, Kim K, Ashley and JaQuavis, Terri Woods, Nikki Turner, Keisha Ervin, Kiki Swinson, Danielle Santiago, Tonya Ridley, Erica Hilton, Noire, Azarel, J Tremble, Miss KP and Michael Baisden.  All of you guys have kept reading as my favorite pastime and all of you have provided that inspiration and drive to keep on writing my manuscript.  I hope one day my name be on someone's list as their favorite author.

The Baddest, She Is

www.barnesandnoble.com

For as long as I can remember, reading has been my ultimate pastime.  Give me a good book and that's it.  I remember being a little girl wanting to read all the time. Once my mom allowed me to go to the library by myself, that's where you would always find me.  During those days, Judy Blume and Beverly Clearly ruled the literary world for children I don't really remember any African American authors for children I just remember that there weren't any that were writing books at all, like there is today.   Back then there was RIF (Reading Is Fundamental) where you earned the chance to get a free book every Thursday, I believe.  I remember always looking forward to Thursdays.  I have to be honest I like, street novels, they are actually my favorite and I always feel like the story lines are relatable to my childhood in some kind of way.  Nisa Santiago, is the business.  I don't know where she came from, but she is pentastic. She is an incredible writer and I always look forward to reading her latest work.  I just finished Face-Of, part four to Bad Apple and I could not put it down. She never disappoints.  I hope one day I get a chance and write the story that I want to.

What Would You Do?

Lately I've been pondering the thought of what would one do regarding certain scenarios. Like for instance, what would you do, if one friend came to you and said she thinks another of your friends wanted your husband or boyfriend.  What would you do?  What would you say?  How would you confront that friend or would you bring both friends together?  How about if your friend stopped talking to you and you didn't know why?  What would you do?  Would you care? What if it was something stupid like, you didn't show up for her child's birthday party or you came to the party and you didn't bring a gift? Or maybe you were the maid of honor at her wedding but you didn't give her a bridal shower, but you were there every time she needed you.  What if you tried to give her a bridal shower but what you were planning to do, just didn't come to fruition?  Why do people let things bother them that their friends or family do to them without telling them what they did?  What if you find out that you did "something" to your friend subconsciously years later and that was why you haven't spoken to that friend in years?  Could you ever repair that friendship?  What if you allowed your friend to use your credit cards and he/she refused to pay?  What would you do to get the money that you are owed?  I can honestly say that a few of these things has happened to me with more than one person that I thought of as a sister-friend. All I can really say is that I was hurt, my spirit was broken and I realized that these friendships could never be repaired.  In some of the scenarios, we did talk, but I couldn't get pass that someone I truly loved like a sister couldn't come to me and have a heart-to-heart.  It showed me that the trust and admiration that  I had for them, they didn't have the same for me.  I didn't and wasn't going to allow myself to be subjected to accusations of wanting to sleep with my friend's boyfriend, a man who was in fact cheating, just not with me.  The irony of her accusing me of wanting her boyfriend because a mutual friend that was jealous of our blossoming friendship, was the next day I saw him leave his house in the morning with another female.  Did I tell her, no let her find out on her own, because again I did not want to be subjected with the b.s we women tend to throw around when we confront our men about their cheating ways. Don't get me wrong I miss the friendships that I had with both, but I know in my heart the friendship could never be the same again.  If my friend got to question my "alleged" desire for her boyfriend or her husband something that she herself never witnessed, there's no need for us to be friends.  If my friend can't come to me when she think I've done her wrong, then what kind of friendship do we share?  I rather hold on to the memories when we were good friends and let us just part ways.  I can't be friends with someone who questions my loyalty and I can't be friends that can't communicate with me when we have unresolved issues.  It's better that we break the links that once held us together. Now tell me what would you do?

Control Freak

Do you work with someone or under someone that is a control freak, that when visitors come into the door, "the control freak" on your job who supposed to be managing the floor and making sure the floor is staffed properly, takes over your job. Sometimes I just want to ask "the control freak", why am I here,  but then I just smile gracefully and say to myself, "if that's what make the "control freak" feel productive, let it go, let it be.  I know this will be something that I will never win.  I keep reminding myself that I must continue to fight and I must push forward.  I have to do better in order to get where I want to be.  I notice when the "control freak" is not in the office, everything goes so smooth.  I know the "control freak" is trying to impress the administrators that are in charge of her, although I'm sure they're laughing at her because most of the time she is "faking it until she makes it", but I still can't understand why do people want their employees to work in a hostile environment.  Beats me.  I can almost bet that the little money I work for that when its time for the "control freak" to be shown the door, its going to be without hesitation.  I try to treat everybody the same, because you can't please everyone, especially when you work in a customer service oriented industry.  I just have to break away and find my true happiness with writing.

The Friendship That Ended

www.inntrending.com

About a year or so ago, my mother had called me to say that she was re-establishing her credit, after declaring bankruptcy some years ago.  I remember telling her that was good, but to not overdue it.  Don't tell anyone that you have credit cards, don't tell anyone about the loan she had gotten and damn sure don't let anyone use your credit cards.  I remember damn near begging her not to reveal her new found "credit status or luck" that had fallen into her lap. I had also warned her that she was retired and that she needed to be mindful of her spending habits because she was now living on a fixed income.  She kept telling me that everything was under control, that her and her friend that she had known over 40 years was being careful.  Why don't parents listen to their children, its beyond me, because everything I told her about what her friend would do, her friend of 40 years did to her.  I was so pissed off with her because not only did she not listen, she got mad when I told her of the errors she made.  Money is definitely the root of all evil and anytime a grown woman has grown children living with her, that's who she should be going to when she needs something, not your friend who is retired living on a fixed income who just re-establish her credit.  Of course that same friend don't want to pay, and now she is stuck.  Parents just because you are older, sometimes you have to listen to your children.  Now I must find a way to help her with her finances some kind of way, I know she better not ever be friends with that Kitty lady again.  I really hope Kitty is an old memory and I hope she never speaks her name again. I really dislike people who are users and tend to take advantage of people.

The Powerless

When you are powerless in your current situation, work, home, or your relationship, its time to take a stand and make changes for yourself.  You may be constantly asking yourself over and over, "When will I be ready to take that leap?"  The one thing that I realized is that we all have a purpose in life, but I know for me I can't keep allowing myself to be powerless and be in a powerless position.  I know that I need to take some necessary steps in order to be powerful.  I'm tired of people lying, just to hear themselves talk.  I'm tired of people just trying to be relevant, so they lie just to have something to say.  It's shameful because to lie and not gain anything from it, its a waste of time.  Lying to be malicious is dangerous and that tells me that I can't trust you and that I must always watch my back.  I never like to walk on egg shells and I am not a robot or a puppet that you pull the strings and I do what you want me to do.  That will never work, at least for me.  There's a time and place for everything and sometimes you have to know when the ride is over, the thrill is gone.  I am definitely going to try to build a brand for myself and take this writing as far as I can.